She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
