"it" just moved
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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