get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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