Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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