Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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