it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
