From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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