That reminds me...we need to get swords
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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