you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize