never play flip cup with pint glasses
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
