I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
