Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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