so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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