If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
