Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
