My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
