I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
