So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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