your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
