No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
