I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
