is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
