cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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