Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
