dude i'm inner monologue high
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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