Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
MIDGETS
????
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
