Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
