I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
