I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
