Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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