Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize