I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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