Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
