Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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