Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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