Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize