He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
