The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
