will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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