in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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