Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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