I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
