Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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