i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
