Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
