Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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