At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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