I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
