Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
