he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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