1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
