My room smells like vodka and shame
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
