Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
