seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
