And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
