Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
