he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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