I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize