It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
