he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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