I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
