at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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