A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the raccoons are back...
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