If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i drank out of a bidet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
