Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize