the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
