party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
