roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
