I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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