whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
