"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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