I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize