saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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