dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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