I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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