wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
