I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
