yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
